Tuesday, December 25, 2012

My annual Twas the Night Before Christmas post...

The...warped version...

Twas the night before christmas
and all through the house,
everybody felt shitty.
Even the mouse.

Mom at the whorehouse
and dad smoking grass;
I'd just settled down
for a nice piece of ass.

When out on the lawn
there arose such a clatter.
I sprang from my piece,
to see what was the matter.

Then up on the roof
came the smell of deer shit.
I knew in a heartbeat,
it must be St Nick.

He dropped down the chimney
like a bat out of hell.
I knew by the cussing
that the fucker had fell.

He stuffed all our stockings
with pretzel and beer;
and a big rubber dick
for my brother the queer.

He shot up the chimney
with a thunderous fart.
The Son of a Bitch
blew the chimney apart!

He swore and he cursed
as he rode out of sight;
"Piss on you all and,"
"have a hell of a night!"

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