Twas the night before Christmas
and all through the house,
Everyone felt shitty.
Even the Mouse.
With Mom at the whorehouse
And Dad smoking grass
I'd just settled down
For a nice piece of ass.
When out on the lawn
I heard such a clatter.
I sprang from my piece
To see what was the matter.
Then up on the roof
Came the smell of deer shit
I knew in a heart beat
It must be Saint Nick.
He dropped down the chimney
like a bat out of hell.
I knew by the cussing
that the fucker had fell.
He stuffed all our stockings
With pretzels and beer
And a big rubber dick
For my brother the queer.
He shot up the chimney
With a thunderous fart.
The son of a bitch
Blew the chimney apart!
He swore and he cursed
as he rode out of site
"Piss on you all!
It's been a hell of a night!"
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