Wednesday, January 21, 2015

If I were a boy..

* what the hell? I actually wrote an finished this then forgot to post it? In AUGUST? Sigh..I'm gettin old*

An article written and posted to a site called ELITE Daily.   Lets take issue with the site name first.

What makes you elite?  No seriously, I want to know. What makes you elite?  Quite probably nothing but the site creators own hubris.  Same as with a great many sites with similar nom de plumes.

Anyway. This article was called "If I were a boy"  about what these women  would do if they were a boy. In the mistaken belief that there A. Aren't any men out there who DON'T act in the manners in which they are complaining about and B. As if they are any different in the regard of some of what they are complaining about.  I find their specious list amusing, and their contention that they would be any better as men then they SAY men aren't now...highly dubious.  Okay fine, fine. I call bullshit, there you happy?  Yeah I know you've come to expect a certain propensity for foul language and vitriol on my blog.  I'll see if in responding to the rest of the article and the  list itself I can't live down to your expectations. Ya reprobates.  Article in italics and my responses in normal.

When we’re young, we’re told that boys and girls all have the same fair shot to get what they want out of life. We’re taught that everyone has the same right to compete for jobs, and to achieve these dreams

Duh. Everyone has that chance, that does not however mean you are necessarily going to succeed, but if you work diligently and hard you will probably get there.

When we are little, we aren’t jaded enough to believe we can’t aspire to be anything we set our sights on.
But then… we grow up

Or then we fail, and get up, and fail again, and then we get up again and just get..bitter..but I digress. So how do we get jaded germs and virii?

We don’t think we’ll ever be fighting for our right to be heard, to have a voice. We don’t realize men in power will decide how, and when, and where we do what we want to our bodies.

Poppycock. You can do what you want, by and large. Same as the males of the species. 


We don’t even think that the world will write us a set of different rules.
Twelve Elite Daily employees answered what they would do differently if they were men — if they were truly equal – and every answer was different, unique, inspiring and encouraging — and that’s just the beginning.

You are many things. Except for physical strength for starters.  Sorry girls but there are just some things that the female of the species were not meant to be.  Plus...sorry, like it or lump it I really don't give a shit at this point;  Men are hardwired to protect our women.   In part that's the fault of evolution and nature.  Without women to bare the young...the species will die. Period fucking dot.  Without women to raise the kids and keep the home in all manner of means and ways. and be loving wives, to our loving to a great many fellas just ain't worth living.  

We want to hear from you, so tweet, Instagram and Facebook us and let us know what you’d do differently #IfIWereABoy. We’re listening. It’s time everyone else does, too.

Oh I listen but here I'm just hearing..."blah blablah blah blah..waaa waaa...whimper, whine, piss and moan" in cases like this.  You are truly starting to bore the ever loving hell out of me with this bullshit.

Okay now on to the list.

If I were a boy..............................
I wouldn't mistake a woman's kindness for weakness.  -“A warm and friendly disposition doesn’t translate to vulnerability. My kind words and personable nature aren’t an invitation to the bedroom."

Honestly if you are running into the "being sweet and lovable being an invitation to the bedroom" scenario on a regular basis?  Then you REALLY need to look at yourself in the mirror and say "why the fuck am I hanging with these people?"  Because if you don't like their attitudes and behavior, then maybe the problem is YOU, being dumb enough to hang around with people that treat you like shit.  Now if you are complaining because in actuality, it's not that they treat you like shit but don't agree with every single thing you say?  Which is for my money...part of what this whole article comes from...Grow the fuck up.

I'd appreciate a girls ability to express her emotions. - “Men aren’t so lucky; they are conditioned from an early age to keep it all inside.”

Meh...that might be true to a certain extent I suppose. Lord knows I have a hard time crying sometimes, if that's what you mean.  Outside of that? Oh I have ZERO problems expressing my emotions. Neither do most of the folks I know oddly enough. Now in my case due to the gross stupidity I see all the time in the world and from the default setting is ANGRY.  You really want me to express that to you in what my readers know to be my usual way?  No?  Yeah didn't think so.  By the way...probably too late since I've been expressing it since I started this response. Deal with as I will say repeatedly in a bitch.

I'd never tell a woman to smile. - “Because this is my face and no man gets to tell me what I should do. If I want to smile, I’ll smile. No one has the right to dictate my feelings.”

*facepalm*  Idiots. Where in the HELL did you come under the delusion that men are trying to dictate your feelings.  If we're saying "smile"  it's because we guys, do not, like to see the women we care about...unhappy.  To quote the bards Sam And Dave "if something is wrong with my baby, then something is wrong with me"  IOW we hurt with and for you when you're in pain. But unless you tell us oh ladies...[and yes contrary to popular misconception and "I am woman here me roar, I don't nned men" crap, we do care. ] then we can't try and help you solve the problem, just flat out solve it FOR you, or plan what to do with the body/ies  after we fix the problem/s.  As to random strangers...*shrug*  once you smile, we smile back, hell we might even strike up a conversation. Then you express your woes and feel better afterwards we hope.  Besides, here's another newsflash. we like your smiles. Is it wrong to want to see them?  Men's critical decision making ability takes a rapid drop in the presence of a beautiful smiling woman. We still want to see the smiles though because a pretty girls smile is ...a drug? an endorphin rush? something like that, to us.

I wouldn't assume that buying you a drink means you're coming home with me.   “Buying a drink is a great way to break the ice, but that doesn’t mean I have an obligation to ‘hook up’ with you in any way. I am more than capable of buying my own drink, thank you.”

Seriously  if your hangin in places that are basically meat markets [clubs and to some extent some bars] I don't know why the hell you are all shocked and shaken by this shit.    Seriously?  Stop looking to fuck teenagers, men with a teenage boys mentality and find grown ass men for yourselves

I'd educate myself about feminism.  -"I think if more people took the time to understand the true definition and motives, the word would stop being so ‘ugly.’ There’s nothing ugly about equality.”

Oh horse hockey. It's not equality "feminists" seem to  want in many cases. It's role reversal. And in the case of the really extreme "feminists", complete  extermination of the entire male half of the species. Oh and aren't those ladies screeds entertaining to read?  Not.  I think in the case of the rads they need a constant intravenous dose of happy drugs. Or to actually get laid more often. Either way..jesus and you people think I'm a mean son of a bitch?

I'd treat girls as humans that should be respected -“We’re all in this thing together, and we need to help each other understand what makes us different.”

Respect Is..
 a two way street. and that's all I got to say about that one.

I'd be courteous and remember to put the seat down -“Sometimes it’s the smaller, everyday gestures that signify respect. Let’s all be mindful of each other." 

Oh for crying out loud. I forgot to put the fucking toilet seat up. Call out the inquisition!  Ahh skip it...just tie me to a post and burn me'd be quicker.   On this REALLY don't want to start down this road with me, because I can go on and on and enumerate the faults I find with YOU ladies.  Seriously?  Just put it takes 2 seconds.

I'd be able to make choices about my own body. -“Only I have the right to decide what to do with my own body: the type of birth control I use or when and if I have sex. Boys don’t have to worry about the government deciding whether or not they can have an abortion.”

Oh Jesus Jumping H Mother Fucking Christ,  Pogo Sticking Across the Rockies on an Inverted Goddamn CROSS! One, had this conversation repeatedly. tired of fucking having it.  However... If that's a deliberate dig about the Hobby Lobby Decision. Sorry, NO, you are as full of shit as the proverbial christmas goose.  You want birth control? Fine Hobby Lobby will pay for  14 birth prevention drugs/methods.  What Hobby Lobby WON'T pay for is so called "abortificients".  They aren't saying you can't have them, just saying that THEY refuse to pay for them. Seriously if you want them, pay for them yourselves.   Oh and as far as abortions?  Oh you sooo don't want to go down that road with me.
No.  I'm as serious as a heart not go there with me.

I'd stop posting degrading memes about girls on social media -"“I’ll never get why guys think that constantly posting pictures of Kermit the Frog saying how ‘These hoes ain’t loyal’ is going to result in any female respecting them in the social media world or otherwise.”

Oh for fuck sake!  Do you know who posts some of the most degrading, nasty, shit I have seen about women?   Care to guess?  no?  Other women.   And's a two way street, some of shit that gets posted about men is truly heinous.  If you support that, then, you don't get to whine about the shit posted about women.
  Outside of  that? Everyone has a different sense of humor. What you find disgusting and degrading someone, some where is going to find hilarious. We are not  cut out people. As in we are not all cut out cookies to be shaped the same way. if you want cut out cookies...go fucking bake some, and stop treating people like they're moldable to YOUR expectations instead of their own.   Life is a bitch.

I'd keep my hands to myself. - “It’s bad enough to be fiercely stared down or cat-called by men, but by far one of the most unacceptable things a man can do is grope a woman against her will. A woman’s body is a temple and men have no right touching it unless there is blatant consent for it.”

Ahh okay, so you're under the delusion that women would NEVER do something like this?  Bzzzt! Wrong answer! thank you for playing!.  Been there, and being a horny bastard I  personally generally enjoy being on the receiving end [I prefer having my ears nibbled actually] but that's me.
As to guys doing it to you?  Well you  could always stop your slacktivist/hashtag  complaining about it  and DO something actually meaningful  If someone touches you, punch them. Or on the other end... I have told my young nieces repeatedly that if someone touches you and you don't want  them to[especially if you've told them NO.]  I expect you to break bones to drive home the point that, that is  a no no. Pain is a wonderful teacher.  Which reminds me I need to get my little angels some punch daggers; and other fun, shiny, sharp pointy accoutrements for use against the truly profoundly criminally stupid among my fellow humans.

I'd take the time to have a conversation. - “Giving you my number isn’t a green light to text me at 1 am to have a ‘conversation’ or ask me to ‘hang out.’ Really it’s more intriguing for a guy to want to get to know me in person, not through a screen.”

Ahh got news for you on that one.  A minor peeve if you will.  IF  you spend most of your time on your phone, talking and texting, and surfing the web,  including to people in the same fucking room? Sorry you can't complain about this one.  Plus it depends on what you want to talk about it and HOW you talk about it. We are wired a wee bit different after all.   Don't hem and haw and beat around the bush. Just tell us flat out in plain english. We aren't telepaths who can read your mind while you play word games.

Anyway here's the link to the article but I've reposted it word for word, even if I didn't transfer the images.

As Always  remember TANSTAAFL and...

I now return you to your regularly scheduled inanity and insanity.


  1. Well, you didn't lie, you ARE disappointingly foul-mouthed, BUT your post is right on the money.

  2. I can live with your disappointment with my 'foul mouth"


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