The State of DIS Union 2013

Yes boys and girls once again it is that time of year.  The time of year when our Elected Liar in Chief gets up in front of God, Congress, US and the World and tells, lies, damn lies and goddamn lies.  In an effort to enhance my calm while I rip this thing to shreds with heavy dosing of sarcastic replies and the occasional factual reply with actual..you know..FACTS in them; I have donned my beloved wireless headphones, put my media player on shuffle and cranked the volume to ear bleed causing levels.  The Lance Fondler in Chief's spewing of stupidity is in eye-talics.  Now onto the critiquing of The Play.  Perpend.....

Mr. Speaker, Mr. Vice President, Members of Congress, fellow citizens:
Fifty-one years ago, John F. Kennedy declared to this Chamber that “the Constitution makes us not rivals for power but partners for progress…It is my task,” he said, “to report the State of the Union – to improve it is the task of us all.”
Tonight, thanks to the grit and determination of the American people, there is much progress to report. After a decade of grinding war, our brave men and women in uniform are coming home. After years of grueling recession, our businesses have created over six million new jobs. We buy more American cars than we have in five years, and less foreign oil than we have in twenty. Our housing market is healing, our stock market is rebounding, and consumers, patients, and homeowners enjoy stronger protections than ever before.
Together, we have cleared away the rubble of crisis, and can say with renewed confidence that the state of our union is stronger.
But we gather here knowing that there are millions of Americans whose hard work and dedication have not yet been rewarded. Our economy is adding jobs – but too many people still can’t find full-time employment. Corporate profits have rocketed to all-time highs – but for more than a decade, wages and incomes have barely budged.
It is our generation’s task, then, to reignite the true engine of America’s economic growth – a rising, thriving middle class.
It is our unfinished task to restore the basic bargain that built this country – the idea that if you work hard and meet your responsibilities, you can get ahead, no matter where you come from, what you look like, or who you love.
It is our unfinished task to make sure that this government works on behalf of the many, and not just the few; that it encourages free enterprise, rewards individual initiative, and opens the doors of opportunity to every child across this great nation.


Ahh yes you've ended the war. Then why old boy are there still troops over seas fighting it? 
You've created jobs?  *snort*  Yeah government jobs maybe. A good many of the companies you've given grant money to, because they donated to your campaigns....have gone tits up. They are in other words...defunct, gone, dead and buried.  Solyndra for one. *gasp!*  How dare I mention that name?  Piss off you overdramatically posing tosser.  Oh then there was the electric car company that you gave ohhh a 200 MILLION  dollars to. It was supposed to have been more than half a BILLION. But the Department of Energy killing bureaucrats,  ended  up freezing the funds.What was the name....oh yeah. Fisker!  They were supposed to build a plant here in the US and show that Electric Cars are COOL and gas cars are dying, uncool, uncouth dinosaurs.  What happened there you sanctimonious ass?
"Fisker received federal funds in part to help purchase a shuttered General Motors plant in Delaware, where it predicted it would one day employ 2,000 auto workers to assemble the clean-burning gas-electric family car, known as the Atlantic.  But company executives began hinting in February that it would reconsider that plan and look for a cheaper place to build the car after the Department of Energy froze the $529 million green-energy loan the company had received, and had been drawing on since 2010.  
Fisker used the first $169 million in taxpayer funds to bring to market the Karma, a flashy $100,000 hybrid sports sedan that it assembles in Finland. After a series of delays and stumbles, the company announced it had sold its first 1,000 Karmas, bringing in $100 million in revenues so far this year. The sleek, high-end model has been well received by critics, and the company reported this week it has started to sell in Europe, and could soon be on sale in the Middle East.
arlier this year, one of the Karmas stopped working in the middle of a Consumer Reports road test -- an embarrassing breakdown that Fisker later blamed on a faulty battery. The lithium-ion batteries became the subject of a recall, including for a defect that raised the risk of fires. "

May 30 2012.
Oooops.

Oh wait there's more......it's doing so well that....
1.Fisker can't make any more cars until its battery supplier is up and running again. That supplier, A123 Systems, just went up for grabs in U.S. Bankruptcy Court. A Chinese firm won the bidding, but it's not yet clear if the bid will be challenged or whether A123 is willing to keep Fisker as a customer.
2. It seems to have a CEO problem..."Tony Posawatz, Fisker's third CEO in a year.."
3.The privately held company is scouring the world to link up with another automaker or find more investors. It wants to buttress the thousands who have already kicked in about $1.2 billion so it can start production in late 2014 or 2015 of its next model, a smaller, cheaper hybrid, which is expected to be a much bigger seller than the Karma
Plug in car maker looking for more investors or another auto manufacturer to save it's ass

Let me close this section of the vivisection by stating unequivocally...it is NOT the governments job to create jobs! Especially not when a good chunk of that is expanding the government with government jobs. No the governments job is to create an environment that is as regulation light as possible. An environment that ENCOURAGES entrepreneurs and business owners...not penalizes them for being successful! Oh and stay the fuck out of our way you money grabbing prick!


Next!
The American people don’t expect government to solve every problem. They don’t expect those of us in this chamber to agree on every issue. But they do expect us to put the nation’s interests before party. They do expect us to forge reasonable compromise where we can. For they know that America moves forward only when we do so together; and that the responsibility of improving this union remains the task of us all.
Our work must begin by making some basic decisions about our budget – decisions that will have a huge impact on the strength of our recovery.
Over the last few years, both parties have worked together to reduce the deficit by more than $2.5 trillion – mostly through spending cuts, but also by raising tax rates on the wealthiest 1 percent of Americans. As a result, we are more than halfway towards the goal of $4 trillion in deficit reduction that economists say we need to stabilize our finances.Nooo...we expect the government and the peons that are OUR employees....yeah that's right I said you power hungry pissants work for US. We do NOT work for you!  Now where was I...oh yeah. We expect our employees to do what they are told, do the jobs they were hired for, for the term they were hired for and then go home! 
 You must make basic decisions about the budget?  You and your party who had complete iron control of the government who couldn't be BOTHERED to pass a goddamn budget because you were too busy ramming Obamacare down our throats?  Oh man that's a laugh!  You and the government who couldn't be bothered to pass a budget for the last 4 goddamn YEARS!?  Yeah Yeah..I know oh syphilitic offspring of a pimp and a camel.  You presented budgets. News flash every one of them that you personally presented were voted down UNANIMOUSLY. You're own party wouldn't vote for your budgets.  Hint, freaking hint.
You've cut the deficit by 2.5 trillion dollars?  *falls out of his chair laughing uncontrollably.*
Ow...that hurt. You cut the deficit?  Mother pussbucket!  You and CONgress have managed to add not 2, not 4 but  just shy of  6 TRILLION dollars to the National Debt in the last 4 years.  A feat that I might add not even Bush jr  quite managed to accomplish in 8.    Though Jr came close.  Bloody close and I'll point out again that it took Jr 8 years to do it!   Way to set a new record homey.

Now we need to finish the job. And the question is, how?
In 2011, Congress passed a law saying that if both parties couldn’t agree on a plan to reach our deficit goal, about a trillion dollars’ worth of budget cuts would automatically go into effect this year. These sudden, harsh, arbitrary cuts would jeopardize our military readiness. They’d devastate priorities like education, energy, and medical research. They would certainly slow our recovery, and cost us hundreds of thousands of jobs. That’s why Democrats, Republicans, business leaders, and economists have already said that these cuts, known here in Washington as “the sequester,” are a really bad idea.
Now, some in this Congress have proposed preventing only the defense cuts by making even bigger cuts to things like education and job training; Medicare and Social Security benefits.
That idea is even worse. Yes, the biggest driver of our long-term debt is the rising cost of health care for an aging population. And those of us who care deeply about programs like Medicare must embrace the need for modest reforms – otherwise, our retirement programs will crowd out the investments we need for our children, and jeopardize the promise of a secure retirement for future generations.

Yep passed a bill and then created a committee that was filled on both sides with ultra doctrinaire, fanatical hacks!  Yeah that one was doomed to fail from the start. NEVER should have happened. 
Recovery? WHAT recovery?  Man you're so out of touch it's ridiculous. On the other hand...that's not surprising.   If sequestering is such a bad idea then WHY did you do it...and right before the most recent election I might add.   Yes by all means lets cut education spending on a federal level...it's like a drunk throwing money at a stripper.  It accomplishes nothing except wasting money, sending you home sexually unsatisfied , with a massive case of blue balls and angry you didn't get laid.   No more federal spending on education. Leave it to the states and the states only.  Unless they REQUEST funds.  Ahh Medicare and Social Security.  Social Security is bad comedy.  It was never supposed to be a permanent fixture...but a temporary one...primarily for the benefit of war widows and orphans. Like every other "temporary" measure in government history it fast became a permanent and bloated fixture.  The convoluted fiduciary clusterfuck that we've all come to know and love.  The political football that both sides use to try and pummel old folks into voting one way or the other in a stampede of false, created, hyped to a fare thee well, fear.  My generation, our parents, and our grandparents would have been better off putting that money away in savings accounts or investing it in the market as WE saw fit...not letting the government 'hold" it for us.  But most people are too stupid to realize that, due to the now piss poor education system.  Medicare I have a love/hate relationship with.  Go through and audit the hell out of it. Find the corruption and con artistry going on and eliminate them, and Medicare/Medicaid can stay for all I care.


Thus ends part one of my fisking of the State of the DIS Union address of 2013.

Remember TANSTAAFL and...
I now return you to your regularly scheduled inanity and insanity.