The...warped version...
Twas the night before christmas
and all through the house,
everybody felt shitty.
Even the mouse.
Mom at the whorehouse
and dad smoking grass;
I'd just settled down
for a nice piece of ass.
When out on the lawn
there arose such a clatter.
I sprang from my piece,
to see what was the matter.
Then up on the roof
came the smell of deer shit.
I knew in a heartbeat,
it must be St Nick.
He dropped down the chimney
like a bat out of hell.
I knew by the cussing
that the fucker had fell.
He stuffed all our stockings
with pretzel and beer;
and a big rubber dick
for my brother the queer.
He shot up the chimney
with a thunderous fart.
The Son of a Bitch
blew the chimney apart!
He swore and he cursed
as he rode out of sight;
"Piss on you all and,"
"have a hell of a night!"
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